Are You Playing to Win...or Not to Lose?

If you have a habit of not finishing what you start, you may have attributed your lack of results to disorganization or a lack of focus. For some individuals, however, this habit is signs of an underlying psychological pattern of playing not to lose.

Stuart Emery, author of Life is Not a Dress Rehearsal and Success Built to Last, noted that where most people tackle situations with a goal of winning, others approach life with a goal of avoiding losing. Somewhere in life, they decided that they were incapable of winning and have lowered their expectations to merely not coming in last.

The groundwork for this pattern is often laid in childhood. For example, if a father raves over his young daughter’s drawing, she may have next colored on the wall, not recognizing that the wall is not an appropriate place to express artwork. After repeated incidents of getting in trouble in such a way, she may have drawn the conclusion that she couldn’t win. She didn’t like the pain of not winning, so she unconsciously adopted the strategy of trying not to lose in the future.

Not finishing what you start is one of many habits you fall back on when playing to not lose. The reason this has worked for you in the past is that if something is incomplete, it cannot be judged as not good enough. You can just say that it’s not “finished.”

Other ways we ‘play not to lose” include:

•     Playing the Judge.  By being the judge, you never have to be the participant. By pointing out how imperfectly others are dancing, for instance, you get to avoid dancing yourself, which could open the door to you failing at the task.
•     Being perfect. With this approach, you attempt to not lose by doing everything as perfectly as you can… or at least by presenting a front that you are “perfect.” You never really relax or let your guard down. Instead, you overdo everything instead.
•     Becoming a “problem.” If you take on the role of the identified problem, others will need to stop and take care of you. This is a form of sabotage. Because others are directing their time and energy into helping you and are less likely to win themselves.

If you recognize that you’ve been playing not to lose, it’s time to shift the behavior.

Embrace Feedback

Your decision to stop playing to win was most likely unconscious. You received feedback that you interpreted as being a condemnation of your abilities and who you are.

An important step in shifting this pattern will be recognizing feedback for what it is: Information that tells you whether you are on course or off course.

When you get negative feedback – such as lack of results, little or no money, criticism, poor evaluation, inner conflict, and unhappiness – it’s a sign that you are moving away from your intended goal.  Evaluate what you’re doing and make a course correction.

When you receive positive feedback, such as praise, happiness, money and results, you’ll know that you are back on course.

Sharpen Your Focus

Another thing you can do, particularly if you’ve developed a habit of not completing what you start, is to train yourself to sharpen your focus.

In the Achievers Focusing System, Les Hewitt, author of The Power of Focus, teaches his clients to focus their attention only on what they want to accomplish in the next three months. They select one goal in each area of their lives during that period.

Then, each week, they identify the three most important things that must be accomplished during that 7-day period to move them closer to their goals. A weekly check-in with your accountability partner helps to keep you accountable for achieving these tasks.

To download a free copy of the Achievers Focusing System 3-month planner, click here. (For your convenience, we’ve also posted a filled-in version of the form so that you can see what type of information should be entered in each field.)

Chunk It Down

The final word of advice: As you begin to build a new habit of completing what you start, you may feel overwhelmed and lost about what to do next when you look at your list of goals. The best approach is to chunk down your goals into small, manageable steps.

Interview people who have already accomplished what you want to do and ask them to share all of the steps they took. If you can find a book or manual that guides you through the process, even better. Another approach is to imagine that it’s the future and you’ve already accomplished your goal. Start at the end and look backward. Notice what you had to do to get to where you are.

Capture all of these steps in a list or mind map. Then convert all of your to-do items into daily action items that can be plugged into your calendar. Start with the first item on your list, and when it’s finished, cross it off and tackle the next item. Before you know it, you’ll be completing projects and well on your way to playing to win.

Playing not to lose may protect you from the potential pain of negative feedback. But the cost is steep. Every time you fail to live up to the commitments you make to yourself and others, you undermine your self-confidence. Use the steps outlined in this article to identify why you’ve settled for simply not losing and to take the corrective action you need to complete what you start.

Source: http://womenentrepreneursecrets.blogspot.co.uk/2014/08/are-you-playing-to-winor-not-to-lose.html

How to Create an Empowering Vision Board

http://www.bizfilings.com

Your brain will work tirelessly to achieve the statements you give your subconscious mind. And when those statements are the affirmations and images of your goals, you are destined to achieve them!

Creating a vision board is probably one of the most valuable visualization tools available to you. This powerful tool serves as your image of the future - a tangible representation of where you are going. It represents your dreams, your goals, and your ideal life.

Because your mind responds strongly to visual stimulation-by representing your goals with pictures and images-you will actually strengthen and stimulate your emotions...  and your emotions are the vibrational energy that activates the Law of Attraction. The saying “A picture is worth a thousand words,” certainly holds true here.

If you have already defined your dreams, it’s time to illustrate them visually.

How to create a vision board that depicts the future you wish to create.

Find pictures that represent or symbolize the experiences, feelings, and possessions you want to attract into your life, and place them in your board. Have fun with the process! Use photographs, magazine cutouts, pictures from the Internet--whatever inspires you. Be creative. Include not only pictures, but anything that speaks to you.

Consider including a picture of yourself in your board. If you do, choose one that was taken in a happy moment. You will also want to post your affirmations, inspirational words, quotations, and thoughts here. Choose words and images that inspire you and make you feel good.

You can use your vision board to depict goals and dreams in all areas of your life, or in just one specific area that you are focusing on.  Keep it neat, and be selective about what you place in your vision board. It's a good idea to avoid creating a cluttered or chaotic board… you don't want to attract chaos into your life.

Use only the words and images that best represent your purpose, your ideal future, and words that inspire positive emotions in you. There is beauty in simplicity and clarity. Too many images and too much information will be distracting and harder to focus on.

If you are working on visualizing and creating changes in many areas of your life, then you may want to use more than one vision board. You might use one for your personal goals and another for career and financial goals. You might even want to keep your career vision board at the office or on your desk as a means of inspiration and affirmation.

How to use your vision board.

Try keeping your vision board on the nightstand next to your bed. Leave it standing in an open position as often as you are comfortable with, and spend time each morning and evening visualizing, affirming, believing, and internalizing your goals.

The time you spend visualizing in the evening just before bed is especially powerful. The thoughts and images that are present in your mind during the last forty-five minutes before going to sleep are the ones that will replay themselves repeatedly in your subconscious mind through¬out the night, and the thoughts and images that you begin each day with will help you to create a vibrational match for the future you desire.

As some time goes by, and your dreams begin to manifest, look at those images that represent your achievements, and feel gratitude for how well the Law of Attraction is working in your life. Acknowledge that it is working. Don't remove the pictures or images that represent the goals you've already achieved.  Achievement of the goals in your vision board are powerful visual reminders of what you have already consciously and deliberately attracted into your life.

I recommend you write down the date you created your vision board. The universe loves speed, and you will be amazed at just how quickly the Law of Attraction responds to your energy, commitment, and desires. Much like a time capsule, this board will document your personal journey, your dreams, and your achievements for that particular year. It will become a record of your growth, awareness, and expansion that you will want to keep and reflect back upon in years to come.

It’s a good idea to create a new vision board each year.  As you continue to grow, evolve and expand, your dreams will too. Your Vision Board is meant to be kept and cherished. They chronicle your not only your dreams, but your growth and achievements.

Final thoughts on using your completed vision board:

• Look at your vision board often and feel the inspiration it provides.
• Hold it in your hands and really internalize the future it represents.
• Read your affirmations and inspirational words aloud.
• See yourself living in that manner.
• Feel yourself in the future you have designed.
• Believe it is already yours.
• Be grateful for the good that is already present in your life.
• Acknowledge any goals you have already achieved.
• Acknowledge the changes you have seen and felt.
• Acknowledge the presence of God in your life.
• Acknowledge the Law of Attraction at work in your life.
• Look at it just before going to bed and first thing upon rising.

Source: http://jackcanfield.com/how-to-create-an-empowering-vision-book

Below, we present you a few examples of good vision boards:

http://www.digitalaptitude.com